I’ve always dreamed of being a wife and becoming a mother ever since I was a little girl. I would play with my cabbage patch dolls, all six of them. Pretending they were all my children. My African American Steve and Christie doll were married, had children, and lived a beautiful life. I use to say, when I turn 30, I'm going to be a mother. I couldn't see myself having children past that age. But, here I am now, freshly 31, and I’ve already been a wife, evidently at the wrong time because it didn’t work out. I don't have children, even though I've tried. Eventually, I started to become burdened with thoughts about myself. “What’s wrong with me?” Why didn’t my relationships work? Why didn’t my marriage work out? “Is there something wrong with my womb?” “Why am I not getting the things I’ve always desired?” Many times I’d sit and wonder why. I’d become afraid about the thought of asking God, but I was too curious. I wanted to know.
I received answers in my moments alone with seeking and sitting with God, which were several. I'm still receiving messages now! Most people think that hearing God’s response is direct and happens right way, but it isn’t always like that. Sometimes God reveals things little by little for the sake of you. He knows what you can and cannot handle at that time and during that season.
As I reflected on those questions, I remember that I wanted to become a pediatrician as a little girl because of a doctor's visit. The female doctor that I had was patient and kind to me, especially because she had to give me a shot. My experience with this doctor impacted me so much, that I discovered right then and there, that I wanted to help people. However, when I began to experience difficulties in school, mainly math and science, I struggled with the dream of becoming a pediatrician. In addition to that experience, I also remember when I was in middle school, I learned that I enjoyed writing. I gained a loved for writing poetry and short stories. I even wrote a poem that was published on an online platform. But my desire for writing dissipated when I was told that I wouldn’t make money from it. I was told that writers didn’t make money. From then, writing for me just became a hobby. A way for me to express my emotions.
God recently reminding me of those dreams through those moments of reflection. The more I reflected, the more I see God’s guidance. I didn’t understand math and science to become a pediatrician, but I gained the understanding of empathy, patience, and kindness to become a social worker. No, I didn’t major in journalism or any writing courses to become a writer. Still, my passion for writing, along with several years of schooling and writing papers, taught me the additional skills I need to become advanced in my writing. The Most High teaches me about the right time and seasons, and being a wife and mother isn’t my current season. However, I still get to enjoy living out my dreams, and that’s the beauty of our Creator and how well he knows us. It makes me smile and happy just thinking of his divine planning. How could I enjoy being a wife and mother if I haven’t fulfilled other desires that I have for myself? Please note, this isn’t to say that if you are a wife and mother, you can no longer fulfill your dreams. No, not at all!! Nothing can stop you from fulfilling your dreams. I’m just sharing my story for my own healing as I gain insight from God on the questions that I would constantly ask him. After all, he knows that I wouldn’t be able to focus on this season of my fulfilling my dreams if I was a wife and mother.
